Bonus Piece: My Top Ten Self-Owns of 2022

Let’s keep things light and enjoy a bit of schadenfreude to kick off the new year. Someone on Facebook suggested I do a top 10 self owns from 2022, so here is my list, hastily jotted down. If you have any that should have made the list, put them in the comments below! Happy New Year, and enjoy some fine irony today.

Top Ten Self Owns of 2022

10. Kanye “Ye” West losing his Adidas brand gig worth hundreds of millions because he’s a raging anti-Semite. “I can say antisemitic shit, and Adidas can’t drop me,” Ye had boasted.

9. Justice Alito getting caught gabbing with his conservative buddy about earlier pending decisions such as the Hobby Lobby case—after vehemently denying he was the behind the early disclosure of the Dobbs opinion while calling the leak itself a “grave betrayal.”

8. Vladimir Putin having to call for mobilization of Russian reserve units after insisting that a) it’s not a war but a special military operation, and b) that the conflict would be over in 3 days.

7. The British Tories, who were the driving force behind Brexit and had cynically pressed the need to keep immigrants out of the U.K., only to cycle through three prime ministers in the course of two months, including Liz “less than a head of lettuce” Truss, eventually winding up with Rishi Sunak who is…the son of Indian immigrants.

6. Republican leaning pollsters that had intentionally pushed a media narrative and driven a widespread expectation of a Red Wave that never happened, leaving the party playing the blame game and opening serious challenges to leadership.

5. MAGA election deniers and conspiracy theorists like Kari Lake and Doug Mastriano forcing out their more moderate party opponents, only to be soundly defeated for statewide office in most of the swing states that matter in part because a lot of Republicans wound up voting for the Democrats over the crazy GOP.

4. I’ll just leave this here:

3. George Santos entire pack of lies, from where he didn’t go to school, to where he didn’t work, to how his parents aren’t actually Holocaust refugees or even Jewish at all, to having had a wife until 2019 even though he’s openly gay, to making apparent financial misrepresentations on his FEC forms, with everything spilling out just when the Republicans need to appear ready to take over the House.

2. Elon Musk trolling on a whim that he should buy Twitter and then actually being forced to do so, only to drive it to the brink of bankruptcy, then launching a poll where users decisively vote for him to step the F down as CEO, all while losing some $200 billion in Tesla stock value while he keeps his eyes off the ball.

1. Andrew Tate coming for autistic teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg on social media by flexing about how many gas guzzling cars he owns, only to be shot out of orbit in two brutal takedown tweets, while inadvertently confirming to authorities via said use of social media—not apparently the suspect pizza box, but his use of Twitter in general, which he had been banned from until Elon Musk restored his account—that he was physically in Romania and could be apprehended there. He’s now held in a Romanian jail on sex trafficking, rape, and organized crime charges.

Let’s hope 2023 has some equally delicious moments to savor!