Just for Xeets and Giggles (03.23.24)

I was able to collect up a few funnies while trekking around Southern Africa last week, and to add to them upon my return.

We started off the week with a confident Biden cracking jokes about his opponent.

Speaking of Donald’s debt, the internet was abuzz after Trump’s lawyers claimed that it was impossible for him to make good on a $464 million bond to appeal the judgment in his New York civil fraud trial. It turns out, he didn’t appear to have the vast sums of money he had previously boasted about, even under oath.

Props for the throwback here:

When it was clear Trump wasn’t getting much help from big lenders or his billionaire buddies, his allies began whining in earnest.

I still can’t believe Levin actually posted that.

The memes began, and they were on point.

Women began to taunt, and Bette Midler is great at it.

As Letitia James began preparing to seize Trump properties (including by filing the judgment in places like Westchester County, NY), folks had thoughts. I wish I’d come up with this one:

It was hard to miss the poetic justice.

This was a new, great take:

People are so damned clever!

An old meme found new purpose:

Quick pledge break! If you’ve been meaning to upgrade to a paid subscription, here’s your chance to do it! Thank you in advance!

Now, of course it’s possible that Trump will try to use his newfound cash in Truth Social to pay off his legal judgments, but he’s already saying he will simply refuse to fork anything over, including the half a billion in assets he boasted on Friday of having.

I had the same thought as legal expert Norm Eisen:

Let the collections begin!

In election news, it’s traditional around this point for the challenger to ask whether Americans are better off than they were four years ago under the incumbent.

President Biden reminded us all where we were four years ago, a wide, mischievous smile on his face…

Meanwhile, Trump was out campaigning and using violent rhetoric like “bloodbath” to go with his earlier fascist language about “vermin” and immigrants “poisoning the blood” of our country. His apologists and enablers were quick to insist he didn’t mean a literal bloodbath, just one in the auto industry.

Commentary followed…

Some dark humor seemed appropriate.

I sensed a theme.

Elon Musk weighed in because, well, he’s horrible, but this took him down a peg.

Here’s a helpful reminder of their logic:

Over in Congress, Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) once again turned to Democrats to pass the budget, unable even to muster a majority of his majority to vote for it. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) was so angry about the budget passing that she moved to vacate the chair, once more. Meanwhile, a second GOP Congressman announced he was leaving Congress early.

This accurately described the GOP conference:

The left was also dealt a blow when NBC made this horrific choice:

Critics denounced the hire, pointing out that McDaniel had assisted in the fake elector scheme and amplified false election fraud claims. To bring her in, after letting many trusted, progressive voices go, was simply baffling.

Other announcements soon followed.

The right lost one of its big mouthpieces as well, after The Daily Wire canned right-wing provocateur and disgraceful antisemite, Candace Owens.

The shade here is *chef’s kiss*:

Dinesh D’Souza poked his head out for a bit and got shut down quickly by billionaire Mark Cuban.

The political zingers were plentiful this week. Trump was charging a lot to be in his company…

And there was of course more voter fraud…

Immigration continued to be a right-wing fear-fest, while our media continued to fail us. Here’s a concession from the NYT Pitchbot:

Speaking of immigration, these all-American MAGA folks got put to the citizenship test. Turn up the sound on this clip, and try not to laugh too hard…

On to better, smarter creatures. It’s animal time!

I am so glad this didn’t happen to us on our trip:

Dam it, Mom!

This isn’t a video because this creature is long extinct, and I’m actually okay with that.

I had no idea that sea cucumbers even moved much, let alone consumed like this:

Adulting is hard for this baby bird.

Back to a few human antics. This mother wins the internet.

As a musical theatre nerd, I can’t stop giggling over this.

I want some of these, pronto.

Life hack for you casual daters:

And this was in fact me as a kid:

I send you out with our usual dad joke, which is really more like a sad joke.

Have a great weekend!

Jay