Just for Xeets and Giggles (06.01.24)

Nothing big in the news this week, right?

The next best thing to Trump’s actual conviction on 34 counts of felony falsification of business records is the trail of commentary and memes that followed. This is by no means an exhaustive list; that would be longer than Aileen Cannon’s list of undecided motions. Here are some highlights to start your weekend off with some joy, laughter, and a buffet of schadenfreude.

According to the internet, here was the moment the news of the verdict broke.

Never gets old!

The MeidasTouch guys were brutal.

A picture is worth a 1,000 charges.

Melania doesn’t really care, do you? Speaking of whom,

Apparently, Ivanka didn’t care either, as she never made it to the courtroom for Daddy’s trial at all.

It was a time to reflect as well. As the old saying goes,

In response to the verdict, the Trump Campaign logo got a fun update:

So did his special line of Patriot footwear:

Maybe dreams really do come true?

Cartoonists will have material for years.

The verdict resurrected memes of long past. Here’s Zack Bornstein, who takes home the grand prize for best takes this week. (More to come from Zack…)

GoT a message from across the Stormy Seas:

A producer from The Apprentice came forward and broke his 20 year silence about what Trump had said about a Black contestant, but his timing wasn’t ideal.

Coverage of course was not consistent across the networks.

Dark Brandon made a timely apperance. Big L for DJT.

All that fundamentalist praying for the jury to see the truth seems to have worked, just not in the way they’d hoped.

Trump’s own words came back to torment him.

Folks remembered that Trump once called for the execution of innocent men in a full page ad.

Bette Midler weighed in.

People thought of Hillary and how she must be feeling.

It was time to revisit those 2016 MAGA chants.

I could almost hear her voice after considering this:

And Trump’s recent election crimes remained top of mind.

Speaking of the jury vote, Zack Bornstein for the kill shot.

In a twist of fate, the day of the verdict held other significance:

Someone had to see it first.

This was the etymology:

The number 34 took on new significance everywhere.

Gotta love NYC humor:

Best editing goes to…

This was hands down (up?) one of my favorites.

Nice tie in to America’s Favorite Pastime with this one:

I’d totally watch this movie. Oh wait, I think we just did.

We end the conviction section of today’s collection with a song. I admittedly cackled at the very first line.

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On to the rest of the news!

After Trump’s rally of twenty five thous—I mean, fifteen hundred people in The Bronx, it was time to poke some fun. This was the best interpretation of his weird Trumpy dance:

Nothing in between, I guess!

The far right tried to AI us into believing Trump has a Black following—after Trump sharing the stage with Black rappers out on bail and accused of murder kinda backfired. But so then did this attempt:

During the lead-up to the verdict, Trump was growing increasingly glum about his chances. He even compared himself to Mother Teresa. No, really.

JoJo for the spike.

If she were alive…

Trump at times didn’t seem to understand much about the way the court system actually works.

Or how charges work.

The best the Trump side could hope for was a holdout juror.

Outside the court, actor Robert De Niro came to blast Trump. That didn’t go over well with Jason Miller of the Trump Campaign. I normally don’t like to mock anyone’s appearance, but this guy, who once slipped abortion meds into his girlfriend’s drink, comes for other people personally and like MTG deserves nothing but ridicule.

Can’t unsee this one.

After De Niro spoke, the Trump Campaign went into quick response mode. It didn’t go well.

The controversy over Alito’s insurrectiony flags continued. Mike Pence proved again why no one respects him despite doing the correct and legal thing on January 6.

Alito continued to blame his wife, who “is fond of flags,” as he stated.

This had to be said:

If you didn’t hear, a bunch of MAGA people, including Trump himself, went to the Libertarian Party’s national convention trolling for support. In case you forgot who these incels are,

Still, Trump’s appearance was a big and unforced error. Libertarians protesting Trump had a unique way of befowling the speech.

You can see a chicken casting a long shadow of derision here. Sound up for the sweet sound of Trump getting booed.

This hot take was dead on.

New flag just dropped. Send to Martha-Ann?

Oh, and another for the beach house:

The puns write themselves here.

Speak softly but carry a big chick.

Honorable Munchen:

Nikki Haley disappointed but surprised no one by declaring she’d vote for Trump after all. Molly Jong-Fast is all of us.

Spotted on a GOP family car:

When Biden announced they were bringing the pandas back to D.C., my heart skipped a beat because Sedition Panda.

And in the world of conservative self-owns, we have a winner:

In the animal world, it’s a cat’s paradise. But this was a truly close call for this baby.

Speaking of cool cats…

Here’s another winning female kitty moment.

And this kitty is many of us in our uncoordinated dotage.

In human affairs, language barrier is the theme of the week. I once tried to teach real American English to Chinese college students, and this was similar to what I experienced.

This call in to a radio station is amazing.

And at least this guy was trying to engage with the comments!

For anyone who hates drones, this clip is for you.

We all need some performer art in our lives.

Here’s more:

Speaking of performance art… there’s this for your consideration.

I can’t stop picturing this:

This kid has no idea why they’re all laughing.

This yolk bedeviled me for a hot second.

I must not be this old yet, but I’m on the lookout.

And this is the best real life zoom moment since lawyer cat.

Watch the clip here. Amazing.

They say put your mobile phones away but then…

One of the pleasures I expect to have as a father is to listen to my kids try to make sense of curious phrases. I hope they’ve figured them out before they become admin and group experts.

Speaking of new parenthood, I leave you and this very long collection with this dad joke to send you off into your weekend.

Have a great one! And remember, no matter how bad you may feel, Donald Trump feels worse!

Jay