Just for Xeets and Giggles (08.17.24)

When Trump’s campaign made a stop in Bozeman, Montana, to kill time while the crowd waited for Twitler to arrive, they actually played the theme song from a movie about a sinking ship. Celine Dion’s team responded.

It seems a political eternity ago, and lunatic fringer Laura Loomer wanted it to be July again so bad.

The New York Times reported that Trump privately referred to Harris as a “bitch.” Speaking of which, Megyn Kelly decided she was relevant and posted this.

The answer went straight back at her.

Too easy sometimes.

Having failed to gain much traction with his rally, Trump called a presser for later in the week. But history repeated itself: One of the main takeaways was yet another fly on a candidate’s head, this time Donald Trump’s. We’re assuming it was the same fly.

What followed was inevitable.

During that presser, Trump kept insisting that a Harris presidency would cause a market crash, even though she’s currently in the administration and would continue many of its policies, and the markets are at near record highs.

The Daily Show had this important reporting.

The other hilarious takeaway was when Trump insisted he was in a helicopter with former San Francisco mayor and California Assembly Speaker Willie Brown, and that it almost went down. Brown insisted that never happened, and now it seems Trump mixed him up with another Black politician entirely.

Crowd sizes between the two presidential contenders continued to be a thing, mostly because Trump kept saying wacky things about computer-generated images.

Loomer again, with the fail:

This next captcha nailed the national vibe.

Trump would still claim it’s 100,000 people. Just like he claims he’s 6’3” and weighs 215.

Indeed, when they came to shame white women supporters of Harris, this guy shot back perfectly.

Trump bizarrely continued to attack Harris for her racial identity, so Sarah Cooper came back to preserve the original moment for posterity. (TikTok alternative, original link here.)

Trump sought to cash in on the endorsement of the second worst man on the planet, Elon Musk, by sitting in for a livestream in Twitter Spaces. If you missed it, you really didn’t. This sums up their convo perfectly:

The evening began with a huge tech glitch, which was entirely predictable given that almost no tech people actually work at Twitter anymore. Musk blamed outside forces rather than his own incompetence, but the Internet wasn’t letting him get away with it.

Honestly, not my fault! DDoS, you know.

This was damn near perfect:

And to be clear, there was this clip.

This sign wins for best summary:

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Heading into the light for a moment, Kamalaisms are unsurprisingly beginning to memify for use in our broader culture. Here is a classic:

And another for the flight attendants and travel lovers out there:

Someone pointed this once mysterious, approaching figure in the all-presidents, boys’ club portrait so beloved by MAGA, and it has folks shook:

Harris released a charming video of a conversation between her and Gov. Tim Walz, and it quickly became a controversy over (checks notes) spice levels in tacos. Here’s conservative shockster Matt Walsh being owned pretty hard.

The crying and victimhood claiming on the right was truly revealing.

See, MAGA, there’s a difference between being racist and being self-deprecating. My Black friend can shout, “Black Jesus take the wheel!” and it’s totally okay. And I can respond, “Asian Jesus should never take the wheel!” and it’s still okay. We’re making fun of ourselves, and so was Tim Walz. But I digress.

It’s almost as if they need something different and absurd to be mad about each week.

Someone had to bring them back to reality.

Gov. Walz has taken it all in stride and his own popularity continues to soar. This moment and caption took me a sec to get lol

Video resurfaced showing Trump really does know how to pronounce “Kamala” and that he’s mangling on purpose before the public. Then Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) did the same thing and with specific intent:

She then denied she was a racist, and immediately proved she was.

Everyone noticed.

Here we are, in the worst of times, about to be the best of times.

The GOP ticket hasn’t managed to shake off its Project 2025 connections, and recently discovered videos only made things worse. And hilariously ironic. The Daily Show was on the assignment.

And Trump brought perennially toxic Corey Lewandowski back to be an adviser on his campaign. Lewandowski was off to a fine start:

Speaking of JD Vance, his law school classmates don’t like him very much and released pictures of him in drag while at a law school party.

Now, I am in full support of any kind of gender identity expression. What I’m not so in support of is hypocrisy. This is the man who called gay and trans people “groomers.”

Trump is probably wondering when the bleating is going to stop.

This one is so good, I can barely stand it. Of course it’s from Mrs. Betty Bowers.

Funny because true:

Wake me up! (Before I come undone…)

The GOP has a thing about Republican men who secretly do drag. Go ahead and own it now like George Santos did, JD!

Anita Couch, wow.

With the GOP ticket in free fall in the polls lately, there’s a lot of talk about the election being stolen. Pennsylvania reminded voters that it might not have final results on Election Night because it won’t start counting early votes until Election Day. See? Cheating! Cat Turd opining on election security is a new low though.

What’s a campaign to do? Oh, I know! Let’s get white Republican d-bags help us capture the youth vote!

Trolling the extreme MAGA folks is getting easier.

Speaking of the gender identity wars…checking in on JK:

And checking in on Joe, it seems he’s living his best life now with the press.

Checking in on the Tate brothers…

Checking in on Ted Cruz:

Pro tip: Maybe don’t retweet the account that says you suck balls?

Checking in on Liz Truss on her Trump tour:

This last one was like two memes colliding.

Speaking of animals, let’s see what some were up to. This panda made me smile so much.

Then there are the red pandas, which are like the best of dogs and the best of pandas all at once. Here’s an example.

Everyone needs a friend like this:

The voiceovers for these next clips made my week. Here’s a compilation:

Back over to humans to close us out, the truth is I’m always a bit sad when the Olympics are over.

I don’t know who did this, but they should be under surveillance.

For Douglas Adams fans only:

I keep picturing this and laughing.

I don’t know why this fellow tried to do this. But I’m glad he did. It just keeps going lol

This is your earworm for the week if you didn’t already have Evanescence stuck in your head.

I’ll never think of that song the same way again.

And today’s dad joke is brought to you by no less than Stephen King.

Speaking of dads, my baby is due any day now! She’s already got me waking up multiple times a night to check my text messages in case she decided it’s time.

Have a great weekend, and I hope you get more sleep than I’m getting!

Jay