Just for Xeets and Giggles (7.27.24)

Okay, so let me apologize in advance for the myriad JD Vance sofa memes, videos and clever quips. I could have filled a whole newsletter with just those alone. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry, I will explain the weird, false, yet somehow karmic rumor that has spawned endless hilarity.

But let’s start from the top of the dump heap with Trump and work our way down.

The week started with a surprise announcement by Joe Biden that he was stepping out of the race. Suddenly, Trump stories seemed like yesterday’s news.

Within minutes, Biden also made clear that he endorsed Kamala Harris, his Vice President, as the new nominee. A collective cheer went up from the Democrats, while the Republicans, well…

The NYT Pitchbot captured the moment well.

After a month that involved a disastrous debate performance by Biden, an attempt on the life of ex-president Trump, and a GOP convention where the MAGA faithful were wearing ear bandages because this timeline is truly awful, the news hit like a thunderbolt.

Vice President Kamala Harris was ready for the moment, and within days she had locked up the nomination by near acclamation.

Let the memes begin.

And the word play!

The musical theatre folks simply had to weigh in. I mean, this was pretty much perfect.

In 48 hours, Harris had broken all fundraising records…

…And the narrative shifted underneath Trump’s allegedly bone spurred feet.

MAGA floundered trying to regain the headlines, but only made things worse.

As Harris rocketed in popularity and Trump realized that he now had to face a much younger, charismatic, sharp-as-a-tack former prosecutor, you could see the orange draining from his face like a Giuliani rivulet.

MAGA folks who had made their whole identity about mocking Joe Biden were left forlorn. This was my favorite moment.

Poor MAGAs, nowhere to aim their ire.

And for some reason the TV show Veep went to the top of streaming lists. Hmmm, I wonder why? Perhaps because of this?

The Right scrambled to present some kind of coherent attack. Here’s right-wing podcaster and pustule on the ass of democracy Tim Pool… getting checked by white nationalist Richard Spencer. If you’ve lost Spencer…

The best they could come up with was (checks notes) that she wants to ban plastic straws. Oh no, not that! You’re bringing that back?

Fresh off her “Lettuce Forget All That” tour, former British PM Liz Truss came to safe shores in the U.S. to declare that Harris is unimpressive and unable to do the job. The Brits are so damn good at irony!

Not to be outdone, Marjorie Three Names weighed in.

Some MAGA dudes even tried to make this about their Y chromosomes. It went badly. Can we give Mr. Kim a medal?

This was perhaps the most embarrassing attempt, from a right-wing troll who forgot to log into his burner account. (Since deleted, but the Internet is forever!)

There was also the “DEI” charge, which is so racist that even Republican leadership told members to stop saying it.

Also, this happened.

This would be completely hilarious if it also weren’t completely true and the NYT didn’t have to update its piece to admit that this completely happened.

Another bonus: Biden’s withdrawal left only one elderly person in the race. Here is a piece from the MeidasTouch Network folks (video inside article). Well done!

I very much like this approach and this look on him.

Pledge break! Before we get to the JD Vance section, take a moment to thank your writer with a pledge of support! And my deep thanks to all who already have!

This was supposed to be JD Vance’s shining moment. After all, he’d gone from Peter Thiel toadie to senator to VP pick in just under two years!

But I guess they didn’t vet him carefully, or somehow didn’t think stuff like this would matter to voters:

Kamala Harris has two stepchildren who consider her family. But the whole premise is wrong and sexist.

It’s also politically quite stupid.

The cat ladies were out in force.

And really, what about Lindsey?

Take a moment to listen to this. It’s the kind of gold content we need.

A key question for Democrats is now who Harris will pick as her VP. And this actually happened.

No one cares about you, Joe Manchin! You’re not even a Democrat and really, you never were.

Andy Beshear showed he would be a formidable addition.

Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) FTW!

Speaking of Shilbillies, let’s talk about the sofa thing. Best I can gather, it all started from a guy who wanted to put lies on the internet. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened.

The thing about JD Vance is, everyone just wants to make that smug, misogynistic dude look ridiculous. So the pile on began, even though everyone knew the story was made up. In some ways, that made it funnier. The memes flowed fast.

This looks like every couch in every Taiwanese household.

Ooof, this one made me hit pause.

Wow, this was fast.

There were limericks.

Dad jokes involving old POTUS memes…

Innuendo…

And word play.

And of course, terrible puns.

And more puns.

And still more.

Pop culture moments were quickly revived.

And set to soundtracks.

Okay, that’s funny.

I LOLed.

The whole thing needed some ‘splainin’ for folks just joining.

For a fuller treatment, there was this.

The Lincoln Project dudes are having a field day.

Combined with his cat lady quote, there are rumblings about his future on the ticket.

I love how he can make fun of himself now.

Given Vance’s strict anti-abortion stance, this was on point.

The news somehow even jumped the Pond.

He’s now this huge weight on the ticket, but also a perfect target. That’s what we chess players call a “fork.”

But wait! Old stuff about JD Vance made its way back up from the used internet pile. This story resurfaced and people are dying.

So considerate of the Trump sons to insist upon their tech bro loser, JD Vance.

Keep denying it, Vance!

The memes reopened.

So where does it go from here?

If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably ready for a feed cleanse. So here are some sweet things to reset your brain.

Like this little guy, living his life in this clip.

I smiled wide watching this.

I had no idea a mama swan’s back could do this.

Those first steps are the hardest, little one, but you got this!

And anyone else feel like this doggo by the end of a week like this one?

This was totally me, yesterday afternoon, knowing my calendar was clear.

Here’s a story that feels like a long dad joke.

The Olympics began in Paris. This was one take on the opening show…

Perhaps this is why?

This made me LOL

But go team USA! Can’t wait to be on the edge of my seat for the diving, the gymnastics and the next doping scandal.

There’s a long way to go still until the election, so remember to relax. That includes all facial muscles.

I can confirm this:

I leave you with a dad joke, per usual, related to how I felt after that first debate. I feel much better now!

Have a great weekend! And be sure to check out my special note to readers in the footer below.

Jay