The Week in Xeets and Giggles

Good morning, and happy weekend! We still don’t know what to call the things that used to be called “tweets,” given the name change no one wanted to the letter X on the billionaire manbaby’s hellsite, so I’m going with “Xeets.” It seems to fit the theme of this weekly installment well.

A lot has happened since 45’s indictment on August 1. For example, the ex-president was arraigned for the third time. This took me a sec to get…

The GOP is hopping mad over Trump being indicted again. But how far will they take things?

Trump immediately began blasting out at pretty much everyone, from prosecutors to the judge to witnesses. He really doesn’t like what’s happening.

Cameras aren’t allowed in the courtroom, which is a shame for our democracy, but then we do get wonderful moments like this.

Trump’s online attacks started to get really unhinged, with him threatening to come for anyone who comes for him, so his lawyers and spokespeople were busy walking everything back, explaining that he only meant his political opponents.

Meanwhile, Biden brought out the Dark Brandon meme in full force, even selling a coffee cup with his piercing eyes on it. The right seemed genuinely miffed by that.

”Mean” Brandon stealing and flipping their joke on them was nearly too much for Fox and fools. The Lincoln Project did an epic summary of their butthurtdom. Watch it here:

The GOP continued to try to nail President Biden with his son Hunter’s scandals, but they best they have so far is hypotheticals, which ain’t evidence. After five years, they still have to use IF to do the heavy lifting. Maybe we should call it, “heavy ifting.”

Here’s Ted Cruz trying it and getting shut down by historian Kevin Kruse.

See how that feels, Ted?

The White House continued its trolling after it was revealed perennial thorn-in-the-military’s side Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) actually doesn’t even live in the state but rather over in Florida. Now the White House has the perfect nickname for him.

Florida. Man. 🤣

Speaking of Florida Men, in his federal criminal case for espionage and obstruction of justice, the former guy has asked for a SCIF (short for “sensitive compartmented information facility”) to be built at Mar-a-Lago so he can “safely” review top secret and other highly classified documents.

This account had the same reaction I did to that, and I am a lawyer.

And this:

From where I sit, it’s just another argument to seek a gigantic delay. If Judge Aileen “Loose” Cannon grants this absurd request, expect an appeal and, hopefully, a reassignment of the case after she gets slapped down again.

Justice Clarence Thomas was backed in the news again after ProPublica revealed that he has not one but at least four billionaire benefactors. They gifted him luxury retreats, private jet rides, premium tickets to ballgames, and golf club memberships, all of which he failed to disclosed. Meanwhile, Thomas helped their shared charity raise millions from speeches he gave inside of the Supreme Court itself. Nothing to see here!

There was a hearing on Friday before Judge Tanya Chutkan in D.C. to decide whether to impose a Protective Order over discovery provided by the government to Trump and his lawyers. The judge also warned the defendant against violating the terms of his pre-trial release. This naturally has his lawyers worried.

The example of disgraced, one-time crypto billionaire Sam Bankman-Fried heading to jail for trying to get his girlfriend to change her testimony must weigh heavily on Trump’s legal team.

The week would not be complete if we didn’t talk about the epic Alabama dock fight, which began when a group of white boaters jumped a Black dockworker who was just trying to get them to move their damn vessel. This was my favorite summary of the fight (warning: some violence). The best part, and the moment that spawned a million memes, is when one of the defenders of the dockworker went full WWE with a folding chair. Watch here:

The internet lit up for days over this. There was just so much to highlight. The hat throw. The Avengers-like arrival of defenders. The arrest of the bad guys who started it all. But above all, the folding chair as the new Black weapon of choice. This was tailor-made for TikTok. First video here.

Another take here:

Then there were the reenactments! Who has the time to do this?

Or this?!

Okay, enough of the ‘Bama Slamma. Let’s take a tour of other random goodies from this week. This made me laugh out loud:

Young people these days…

This dad with his poor baby. And they call us “groomers”?

This comeback though…

Fun with ChatGPT got taken to a new level.

OMG

And also, puns. They’re their own re-word.

This is some evil genius CEO level shit.

And this is the best story about fighting the system that I’ve heard for some time. Watch it here.

Wedding photography subreddit has never seen this level of drama before:

And I was today years old when…

I’m going to remember this video when I can’t seem to find a solution to one of life’s many problems. Watch it here and be satisfied that everything can work itself out.

This is my second favorite animal video of the week. Watch it here:

And this is my favorite. It’s a new take on an old social media challenge. Watch it here, and try not to smile.

I’m ending, as I often do, with a Dad Joke.

Have a fantastic weekend! And if you’re feeling charitable and appreciative of my work, and have been meaning to upgrade to a paid subscription, today would be a fine day to do so! It keeps me able to keep doing what I’m doing with this community and my newsletter, and for that I’m very grateful.

Jay