I’m off today from my regular Xeets and Giggles (which will post tomorrow), but for a very special reason: I am excited to begin a new chapter. As most of you know, I lost my darling doghter Hudson in July to a terrible accident that happened while I was away. After the initial shock and pain of her death subsided, I carried a deep grief for many months. Many times it was hard to summon the will to engage in work, self-care, and social contact with others. At the time, my heart still hadn’t healed from losing Ma, my company that I’d built for the last decade was floundering and going through cutbacks and layoffs, and it was admittedly hard to see the good through all the sadness and anxiety.
Years ago, in the midst of devastating loss, a friend told me that the best tribute you can make to your deceased furkid is to give another pup the chance to have a loving home, be cared for and wanted. I believe that passionately!
veterinarian always told his clients who had lost a beloved pet the best way to deal with the sadness and pain was to adopt another one. Especially good advice for human children in a family. Having gone through a few losses like that as a kid I certainly agree.
I work as a hospice nurse, and I wholeheartedly agree with you, Jay. The important thing is that you recognize and honor grief, not the manner of expressing it. And losing a treasured dog? For many of us, our dogs give us the purest, least complicated, unconditional love we have. It's only right that our grieving for them is the same, pure and unconditional.
I think we all want that--to replace the one we lost with an identical copy. It's just natural to mourn a loss and feel some guilt at the idea of bringing on a "replacement". The new pup is definitely not a replacement, but the beginning of a new story, a path that neither has yet travelled. Doing it together makes the bond and helps to heal the heart. It is a continuation of the journey--not a betrayal.
I needed 4 years before I would even consider another dog after I lost mine. I didn't believe I could ever love another dog as much as I loved Gizmo and I didn't think it was fair to the new dog if I wasn't all in.
We finally got a new one and she's been amazing. Seven years later we got a second one that I didn't think we "needed" and he's turning out to be the love of my life!
A rabbi told me a few years ago when I was grieving the loss of our beloved Bouvier, that dogs help teach us 3 things in life: First they teach us how to receive unconditional love. Second, they teach us how to give unconditional love. And lastly, they teach us about how to grieve.
Well Jay, I shed a few tears reading this. Mostly happy tears for you bringing Windsor home. But a few sad tears for the loss you’ve suffered. I think most of us have been there. It took me from 2000 to 2013 to bring another pup in my life. I am sorry I waited so long. I convinced myself I could never love another dog. I have and although to this day I miss her, I found some space for a new baby! A rescue and we needed each other. Best wishes to you on this beautiful little one!
Wishing you the very best on this special day. Your love of Hudson allows you to reach out and love again-but will never be a replacement for her. Your bond with Windsor will be unique!
I had a similar experience losing my dear cat Bob in February to kidney failure. He showed up on my porch ten years ago. He had been abandoned at about two years old. Adopting him opened my world up to so much beauty. He was a consistent happy presence in my life for eight years.
The paw print bumper sticker that poses the question, “Who Rescued Who?” Is especially poignant to me because Bob showed me that,that door swings both ways.
Jay, in 2004 I lost my Border Collie Brady, we were inseparable for 12 years. Literally inseparable. After cancer took him, I sunk into a deep depression, which seemed to get worse daily for a year and a half..... I was functioning, but the darkness was always there. Then, I saw a dog on Petfinder and wrote the shelter in the middle of the night and simply said, "I want him." The day after I got him, the depression lifted...... I wish the same for you. I am convinced the only cure for a broken heart, after losing a dog, is getting another dog.
It has always been my opinion that it’s never a coincidence when another joins a family. They are sent by the previous one. They find you. 🙏💜
Agreed. They choise us, but we think we choose them. It closes the heling loop.
Absolutely! We are currently experiencing this with our dog. They never met but there's just little things 💗
Years ago, in the midst of devastating loss, a friend told me that the best tribute you can make to your deceased furkid is to give another pup the chance to have a loving home, be cared for and wanted. I believe that passionately!
My father who was a “small animal”
veterinarian always told his clients who had lost a beloved pet the best way to deal with the sadness and pain was to adopt another one. Especially good advice for human children in a family. Having gone through a few losses like that as a kid I certainly agree.
We also needed to adopt a new dog for the dog that remained because she was grieving terribly along with us.
Makes sense! The one that remained is basically another family member with needs similar to humans. I hope it works out well for everyone.
For me it was the opposite. I just needed the time to grieve I suppose. I wanted the new pet to be more like the one that passed.
We all grieve differently. There’s no one right or wrong way I’ve found.
I work as a hospice nurse, and I wholeheartedly agree with you, Jay. The important thing is that you recognize and honor grief, not the manner of expressing it. And losing a treasured dog? For many of us, our dogs give us the purest, least complicated, unconditional love we have. It's only right that our grieving for them is the same, pure and unconditional.
You are right and I am truly happy for you.
I think we all want that--to replace the one we lost with an identical copy. It's just natural to mourn a loss and feel some guilt at the idea of bringing on a "replacement". The new pup is definitely not a replacement, but the beginning of a new story, a path that neither has yet travelled. Doing it together makes the bond and helps to heal the heart. It is a continuation of the journey--not a betrayal.
Thank you. I love your perspective.
I needed 4 years before I would even consider another dog after I lost mine. I didn't believe I could ever love another dog as much as I loved Gizmo and I didn't think it was fair to the new dog if I wasn't all in.
We finally got a new one and she's been amazing. Seven years later we got a second one that I didn't think we "needed" and he's turning out to be the love of my life!
Yes!
A rabbi told me a few years ago when I was grieving the loss of our beloved Bouvier, that dogs help teach us 3 things in life: First they teach us how to receive unconditional love. Second, they teach us how to give unconditional love. And lastly, they teach us about how to grieve.
Yes...I have also heard that, it gives me some deep comfort as my pup gets further down his path in life.
Michael, I turned this into a “poster” (featuring our Cairn Terrier) with credit.
https://bit.ly/dogs-teach-three-things
very sweet…remember, though it didn’t start with me 😊
I should fiddle a bit.
Michael, I updated it last week, FYI.
Michael Hertz, MD MPH; that is really beautiful!
Beautiful way to say this truth.
So very true. ❤️
So true. 🙏
She's absolutely adorable. I can almost smell the puppy breath from here. I'm very happy for you. Live long and prosper, Windsor. You got a great dad.
What a sweet face! No, two sweet faces; you look so happy, Jay!
Thank you for all your wonderful comments and emails. It’s been a beautiful day and I’m very happy with my new puppy.
Well Jay, I shed a few tears reading this. Mostly happy tears for you bringing Windsor home. But a few sad tears for the loss you’ve suffered. I think most of us have been there. It took me from 2000 to 2013 to bring another pup in my life. I am sorry I waited so long. I convinced myself I could never love another dog. I have and although to this day I miss her, I found some space for a new baby! A rescue and we needed each other. Best wishes to you on this beautiful little one!
I'm so happy for you! And thank you for persevering with your informative posts through all the difficulties with which you've been dealing.
Windsor is so gorgeous! I'm sure you'll bring each other a lot of joy
Windsor can never replace Hudson but will endear herself to you in unexpected ways. Wish you both a long and loving association!
Awwwwww!!! Just the pick me up story we needed today!!!
Wishing you the very best on this special day. Your love of Hudson allows you to reach out and love again-but will never be a replacement for her. Your bond with Windsor will be unique!
I had a similar experience losing my dear cat Bob in February to kidney failure. He showed up on my porch ten years ago. He had been abandoned at about two years old. Adopting him opened my world up to so much beauty. He was a consistent happy presence in my life for eight years.
The paw print bumper sticker that poses the question, “Who Rescued Who?” Is especially poignant to me because Bob showed me that,that door swings both ways.
Jay, in 2004 I lost my Border Collie Brady, we were inseparable for 12 years. Literally inseparable. After cancer took him, I sunk into a deep depression, which seemed to get worse daily for a year and a half..... I was functioning, but the darkness was always there. Then, I saw a dog on Petfinder and wrote the shelter in the middle of the night and simply said, "I want him." The day after I got him, the depression lifted...... I wish the same for you. I am convinced the only cure for a broken heart, after losing a dog, is getting another dog.
So happy for you and your new fur baby.
We are all very happy for you today.