Just for Xeets and Giggles (01.13.24)

The week began, understandably, with reflections upon the three year anniversary of the January 6 insurrection at the Capitol. It was a time for sober remembrance, but also for some irony and satire.

When loud, hopped-up conservative voices tried to rewrite the narrative, they got shut down appropriately.

The inconsistencies of the the right-wing take were laid bare again.

Why indeed. And forgive the small print, but this really is worth a read.

Brutal. But on point.

And we mustn’t forget the other planned violence of long ago.

The whole Christo-nationalist movement got a bit of a drumming this week, too, as Trump released a video claiming essentially that he is God’s chosen. I won’t ruin your weekend by posting it here, but you can look it up, it’s real. But I did enjoy this take:

Maybe Lauren Boebert? Nothing is sacred, after all.

House No. 2 Republican Steve Scalise will be out while he gets (checks notes) stem cell therapy for his cancer. This from a top leader of the party that votes consistently against fetal stem cell research.

The question of Trump’s “absolute presidential immunity” went before a panel of the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals. And folks had thoughts.

It was weird to hear Trump talk about his “golden” years without thinking of the alleged Putin pee-pee tape. But Trump was referring to his disrupted “retirement” and rather sad trombone about it.

Hunter Biden showed up at a vote of the House Oversight Committee to hold him in contempt for (checks notes) not appearing before the House Oversight Committee. I covered that pretty extensively in an earlier piece this week, but left out the most important image:

IYKYK.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) continued in her obsessive way to show pornographic pictures of Hunter Biden during a congressional hearing, and I just wanted to yell at her. “HE’S NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU, MARJORIE.”

Meanwhile, Sean Hannity likely had this clip of Hunter Biden’s nude water sliding on repeat. Brianna Wu for the kill shot:

Trump was back in Court later in the week to give “closing remarks” at his NY State civil fraud trial, where he faces business ruin. His post about “Ludacris” [sic] demands of the State AG Letitia James was bound to elicit responses. This was the best:

I don’t even listen to Ludacris and this is funny AF.

Speaking of funny AF, Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, who is facing multiple counts in the Georgia RICO action, apparently has a lawyer who doesn’t know how to lawyer. Surprised? Not really. Amused? Definitely. You just have to watch this. I can’t believe it is real.

With the Iowa caucuses coming up on Tuesday, it was time to hear from the Iowa GOP, which tweeted and deleted this hot take.

Collective ownership, a traditional conservative value!

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Back to the funnies!

There was an online debate of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), which happens daily but this time billionaire Mark Cuban weighed in rather epically.

The Jeffrey Epstein list continued to percolate, and somehow Aaron Rodgers tried to make this about (checks notes) Jimmy Kimmel? Kimmel of course doesn’t know Epstein, has never been on his plane or his island, and has had it with Rodgers’s lies and insinuations.

Rodgers was feeling sore because Kimmel used his opening monologue to destroy him. This was so satisfying to listen to.

Speaking of conservatives going too far and getting slapped hard, there was this gem from conservative windbag Bill O’Reilly:

The Pope put himself back in the news with nonsense about surrogacy being evil, so here were two takes covering Epstein, the church and that:

Quote tweet of the week:

New York City got kind of strange with the discovery of a tunnel dug by Hasidic Jews. But New Yorkers took it in stride.

This idea was brilliant.

On a still lighter but even more unbelievable note, a man decided to go swimming buck ass naked in a Bass Pro Shop aquarium. This is meme fodder for the ages folks. Here were some of my favorites.

He’s now internet famous, which I suppose was the point?

I had to agree, this was a much preferable way to work out your issues in public.

This one was so amazing I actually shut off my phone thinking, “That’s enough internet for the day.”

Now, I know what you’re all thinking and wondering. Blaire Erskine was here to answer your questions. This is one one her best clips yet.

My sides hurt from that!

Boeing planes were in the news…

Speaking of unexpected turbulence, Jo Koy’s bit at the Golden Globes created quite the stir as he laid into Barbie as being “about a plastic doll with big boobies” and Taylor Swift took a telling sip of her drink as he made a joke at her expense.

This Vulture Headline FTW:

Here’s a compilation of reactions to Koy’s cringe-inducing monologue.

Koy protested that he didn’t have enough time to prepare material, which only made people wince more.

We needed a reminder of what an actually funny hosting of an awards show was like, so here was a timeline cleanser clip of the great Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Speaking of timeline cleansers, here are some animal moments from the week.

This doggo had really just had it.

My own cat Shade exhibits both of these behaviors within a few minutes.

Speaking of different takes, here is a clip of SeaGull v. Raven. That face on the seagull tho…

The soundtrack really rounds out this video perfectly.

There were other silly men trying to prove something besides the naked Pro Bass Shop dude. This loser got smoked pretty hard, and now it’s viral.

On the other hand, this weatherman is a hero who clearly enjoys his job and Lil Jon.

To this, my nerd brain responded, “And McRohan will answer!”

(That’s only funny to Lord of the Rings fans, I know.)

I send you off to your weekend, per usual, with a dad joke.

Have a great weekend!

Jay