Just for Xeets and Giggles (02.03.24)

The reverberations, and recriminations, from the $83.3 million jury award for compensatory and punitive damages against Donald J. Trump continued well past the verdict. A prime subject was the competence of Alina Habba.

Former Congressman and hopefully soon to be federal inmate George Santos even decided to give her props, which was pretty much a death knell.

When the verdict dropped, Habba put on a brave face. But trouble looms for her client.

The notion that Trump had owed $5 million for the sexual assault but is now $83.3 million in the hole for the defamation led to some humorous takes.

People began speculating how long it would be before he would drop her like a hot document at Mar-a-Lago.

This take won the internet for that day. A+ tweet.

The courtroom artists had a moment. Notice anything? Lol

And the whole Trump-is-blessed-by-Jesus meme resurfaced in an epic way.

Later in the week, Trump decided to get mad over the record high stock markets and to find a way to take credit for them. Parody Jack Smith said no.

The sad thing is, many MAGA faithful will buy anything Trump’s selling. Take his claims that he passed dementia screening tests with flying colors … while nearly all his own supporters would not.

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Marjorie Three Names was tweeting in support of her favorite guy, no surprise there, but this comment made me spit up.

Speaking of the white fur coat villain herself, this was her trying to pronounce a word that she may hear a lot personally someday. Watch the clip here.

I liked this idea:

The border “invasion” was an ugly theme for Republicans as they sought to keep alive the biggest campaign issue they think they can pin on Biden politically.

And Speaker Mike Johnson set an impossible bar, saying he’ll only be satisfied with ZERO illegal border crossings.

Speaking of Mike Johnson, who is a literal Bible believer,

Texas was also in the news for its defiance of the Supreme Court over the border … and a little thing called the Supremacy Clause. Talk of Texcession came up, again. As did this hilarious question:

When the jobs report came out on Friday and more than doubled expectations, the right had a hard time deciding whom to blame. Maybe the numbers were faked? Maybe it was a conspiracy?

Speaking of the world’s biggest pop star, after the Kansas City Chiefs made it to the Super Bowl, MAGA turned its ire upon Taylor Swift. This remark tied it all up together nicely.

The Onion is going to go out of business now that Republicans are saying stuff like this in all seriousness:

The very idea that the right wants to go after Swift and her NFL star boyfriend is ludicrous. It’s also a really, really bad idea.

And all the bitter men who are upset at seeing 25 seconds of Taylor Swift at the playoffs in the box cheering on her boyfriend got the most brutal takedown from this woman. It’s really top notch satire. Watch the clip here.

I did a whole piece earlier in the week about how the right is somehow convinced the whole Swift-Kelce romance is a conspiracy and a set-up to help elect Joe Biden. The Onion FTW:

Elon Musk announced the first Neuralink implant in a human.

And this actually happened. It’s so very… 2024.

Pitch-perfect take from the pitchbot:

Speaking of weird things to do with your arms…

It’s animal time! The doggo wants to make sure all his friends eat alongside. Watch the dinner parties here.

And this one apparently doesn’t like accordion music. Reaction here.

Celebrities talk about living in a fish bowl. This cat said, hold my catnip. Watch here.

This little bird knows what it likes.

This one did, too. Watch here.

And this little quacker sounded really familiar. Volume up!

Parents and their kids were a theme among the human content this week. This video is for you dads who keep everything, just in case.

Another feel great moment, and a big win for her kid here. Aww!

As game day approaches, think of the children.

Two dad jokes this week, both about… termites.

And this one took me a sec…

Have a great weekend!

Jay