Just for Xeets and Giggles (04.27.24)

The week began with the passage of the supplemental budget bill, which contains among other things long-delayed aid to Ukraine. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-Moscow) was one of the biggest and most vocal opponents of the bill, and she made her displeasure known, filming the waving of Ukrainian flags by supporters on the House floor and blasting it as un-American.

Others didn’t let her go unanswered, though. Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) for the dunk.

She then went out on the Capitol steps where media swarmed her as she spouted Putin propaganda. My other favorite Rep. with humor, Jared Moskowitz (D-FL) summed it up well.

Andy Borowitz nailed it per usual.

In honor of 4/20, there was this PSA:

Stormy Daniels was on people’s minds because of the Trump trial in Manhattan, so this dress she wore back in 2018 for her interview on The View made the rounds, but a hilarious photoshop on the print. IYKYK.

Speaking of that trial, the big witness this week was David Pecker. Slow clap for this chyron on MSNBC…

Pecker testified at length about how much collusion existed between his paper, The National Enquirer, and the Trump campaign, including cooking up false stories about Trump’s political rivals, everything from Ted Cruz’s Dad killed JKF to Ben Carson left a sponge in someone’s brain during surgery.

The humor here is so dry I need some Cetaphil lotion.

A reader sent this from a humor site down in Australia.

They really don’t hold back, huh?

Trump’s complaints about the trial focused mostly on his discomfort and the inconvenience of it all. First was his incessant whining about how allegedly cold it was in the courtroom. Funny, the jurors seem okay sitting there in the same room with him. Sad!

It was only a matter of time before the Bernie Sanders mittens meme made it back out. Click here to watch.

Trump also complained he wouldn’t get to spend time with Melania on her birthday, even though court let out in the late afternoon. What, they don’t do dinner together? McDonald’s is open late, Donald.

Trump also loves to whine that he doesn’t get to campaign because of the trial. This is belied by the fact that on the day off from trial, Wednesday, he played golf instead. And as for that big Trump rally in North Carolina that got rained out, I leave this with no further comment.

It’s pledge break time! Yes, I am like PBS, just not so embattled. Like public broadcasting, I rely on the generous donations of supporters to keep up my work here. If you woke up feeling generous and this is putting a smile on your face, consider putting one on mine with a paid subscription if you haven’t taken one out already!

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled funnies.

The Supreme Court showed how awful it could be in several successive hearings about making homelessness illegal, denying pregnant women stabilizing and necessary emergency abortion care, and (checks notes) engaging in chin-stroking over whether the ex-president should be immune from prosecution for things like assassinating a political rival or staging a coup.

I have to say, this one almost got me:

Props to Elie Mystal for tying it all together.

In more “they can’t seriously get any wor—oh, shit you’ve got to be kidding” news, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem stated in a book out this week that she shot her 14-month old dog because she hated it and it wouldn’t behave.

It seems even that was too much for the MAGA right, who at least agreed with the rest of us that killing a defenseless dog you couldn’t manage to train correctly makes you a monster.

In billionaire land, right-wing dupe and regular idiot Elon Musk is fighting to get to get the fattest of paychecks ever restored after a judge ruled it excessive.

Speaking of Tesla, its profits sank considerably, dragging down its share price and leading to questions about its valuation.

A story broke that has the NY Times on the defensive, with a Times reporter claiming that the head of the Grey Lady, A.G. Sulzberger, insists on negative coverage about Joe Biden’s age because Biden has refused to sit down for an interview with the paper. So Biden decided he’d do an interview, except…

And this is really clever, once you realize that A.G. inherited his position…

Rapist, sex trafficker and darling of the right Andrew Tate is getting ever weirder, if that’s possible.

Anything you want to let us know, Andrew?

Enough of bad humans. Let’s look at some good doggos! As a corgi owner, this made my day.

The hide-yourself-from-your-pet works with birds, too, apparently! Watch the clip here.

This doggo is ready for the NHL once he figures out how to wear the skates. The focus in this clip is noteworthy.

I don’t know why this made me think of my heavy metal rocker brother Kaiser. Sound up (but not too up!):

There’s animals making noise, and then there’s humans who make animal noises. I have no idea how this girl is doing this. Again, sound up to watch.

My first thought upon seeing this clip was, what happens if a bike tries to pass on the left?!

Someone at Merriam-Webster was megan a stink.

File this one under “how to accidentally trap your neighbors.”

I leave you with a terrible dad joke. Made worse because chemistry nerd humor. I apologize in advance.

Have a great weekend!